Beginning of an End
by mybagispink
Summary: A broken heart and men who always walk away. A pregnant women in need of constant love.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Twilight Saga belongs to SM. This story, however, is all mines. **

* * *

**Chapter One: Beginning of an End**

_Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight  
I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness  
Comes creeping on so haunting every time  
And as I stared I counted  
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight_

(Blink 182- I miss you)

**BPOV**

The intense excruciating pain rocketed through my entire body as I tried to ignore it and focus on the task that was more important to me than anything else at the moment. The unintentional cry escaped my lips as the pain became unbearable, I bit down on my lip to quench the subsequent cries which were to follow if I did not do hence. My legs buckled under me and my eyes shut tightly on their own accord as another layer of pain coursed through my body and this time I could not hold back, I called out his name in pain.

"Jacob…" I cried out in a shaky voice and then a little louder, holding the edge of the table for support.

He turned around and this expression suddenly changed to alarm.

"Bella," he cried out in alarm and rushed towards me, I felt him hold my arm and support my hefty form. I looked up at his face and tried to memorize his features, the way his short hair parted in the middle, they always had, and they were raised upward from the front so that his wide forehead seemed wider. The lines on his forehead as it got contorted with worry. The black eyes somehow seemed larger behind the thin frame of his glasses. I remembered how I had told him thin frames did not look good on him, he hadn't bought thin frames from then onwards till the day he bought his last thick frame glasses. His lips were large, swollen and pink. His face was dark.

He wasn't handsome, not at all, at least not by my standards, yet I still searched for his face in crowds. Nothing about him was out of the ordinary, yet I was still looking at him with worshiping eyes, pleading eyes.

He somehow dragged me to the car and gently laid me inside, while he got in the driver seat and started the car. I gripped my bulging stomach as the pain intensified. Pain laced with uncertainty, longing and a sliver of hope.

He was silent. I wished he would talk, so I could hear the worry which I saw in his eyes take the shape of words. How could someone explain what you saw in someone's eyes to people, how could you make them believe you actually saw it, it is enough evidence for you but for others for quiet so. His words would hold a physical proof that he cared, enough to worry.

* * *

**Author's note:**

There's that little button of review down there, do not forget to click it. =)

Love/hate let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Alone**

_Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can you see what I see_

(Stop and Stare- One Republic)

I sat in the empty bus and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. One gently slides down my cheek and then another followed. Tears too are traitor, they escape without former notice and once they flow, you cannot do anything to stop them. I wanted them to stop, desperately so. I did not wish to make a scene or anyone see me crying. Just then the bus started filling up with people and a young woman occupied the seat next to mine.

I quickly wiped away my tears but they kept falling.

'Are you okay?" She inquired.

"Yes." I smiled brokenly.

I fixed my gaze outside the window while I could feel the woman looking at me perplexed until she finally shrugged and looked away, I could see her doing this from the corner of my eye.

This was it. Me. Alone again.

Jake had left the hospital as soon as the doctor had told him everything was fine, I still had three weeks to go. This was just a false alarm, probably due to stress. He had not even come talk to me, asked if I was okay. He had not even talked to me! He had not even stayed to make sure I reached home safely. It baffled me as to why Jake did not care anymore.

This was not how we were. This was not how we used to function. I was bad to him but he was always good to me. That was the rule. That was the way we were, until we weren't like that anymore. Until he left me. He wasn't supposed to leave, we were supposed to be together forever. Us against the world. But he left! That's what he did. He. Just. Left.

I wanted to get over it. After all it had been years now since he left but a part of me still hoped, rather believed he would come back. Like those other times, this time too he would be back. I wanted him to come back. After all what was I without him? He was my own personal ray of sunshine. He was the one who made me happy, who actually cared about making me happy. Hadn't he himself once said, "I would never give up on you." He had so confidently claimed that he would never let go. He would always be there no matter what. And now he had just left.

I shut my eyes as images flew in front of my eyes. I put a hand possessively on my swollen stomach.

_I love you, baby ._

My heart ached as I realized this was not enough.

….

I got home to the cold empty apartment. All I wanted to do was drop down on the bed and fall into a deep slumber, yet I had needs to tend to. My stomach growled, and although if it was up to me I would have just ignored it. My back ached and my eyes were heavy with sleep. Yet now there was another I had to take care of. And I could never compromise his safety.

The fridge was almost empty. I reminded myself of the impending grocery trip. I managed to find some items to fix myself a healthy meal.

Finally exhausted, I crawled into my cold bed and pulled the pillow close. I did not want to be alone. I hated it. I wanted strong arms to surround me and a warm body to hold me close.

That night I cried myself to sleep.

* * *

**Review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM. **

* * *

**Chapter 3 -**

**Fighting away the tears**

_I don't want this moment to ever end  
Where everything's nothing without you  
I'll wait here forever just to see you smile  
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you_

_Through it all, I made my mistakes_  
_I stumble and fall, but I mean these words_

_I want you to know_  
_With everything I won't let this go, these words are my heart and soul_  
_I'll hold on to this moment you know, as I bleed my heart out to show_  
_And I won't let go_

_Thoughts read unspoken, forever in doubt_  
_Pieces of memories fall to the ground_  
_I know what I didn't have so, I won't let this go_  
_'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you_

_All the streets where I walked alone, with nowhere to go_  
_I've come to an end_

(Sum 41 – With Me)

"Mike?"

I saw his back, as his body remained hidden by the front of the fridge door.

"Hmph.. Isn't there anything decent to eat around here?" He grumbled.

I rubbed my sleep covered eyes and turned around to go back to my room and continue sleeping, ignoring the protest of hunger carried out by my stomach for once. I did not want to face Mike right now. Noise coming from outside had woke me up and I had come out to investigate, part of me scared. I was a little jumpy these days.

I went inside the room and sat on the bed. Sleep forgotten, I kept sitting on the edge and suddenly I couldn't stop the tears which just burst forth. I covered my face with my hands and cried out.

He was home and he hadn't even bothered asking me how I was. What kind of a husband was he? Huh, I knew very well what kind of a husband, the one who went missing several nights and came back unannounced. He did not tell me when he was leaving, and came back out of the blue, making me feel even more worthless then before. He didn't give me an explanation of where he was during his period of absence. I had never asked him either. He went away. I cried my eyes out afterwards. But I never asked. My ego just did not permit me to. Who am I kidding; I had no ego left, it had died long ago.

th reason I never asked him was because I was afraid of what he might say. A fight just terrified me. I was scared of hearing those words again which he had once occurred. Wasn't it enough that I already felt worthless, how much worse could a person feel. I just couldn't stand any further pain inflicted upon my heart, which his cold words did.

I curled up in a ball and feel asleep again.

I woke up some hours later. It was sometime after twelve. I got out of bed and went inside the bathroom. I gazed at myself in the mirror. My long brown hair was dull and tangled. My eyes swollen from crying and my face had a greyish tinge to it.

I washed my face and got out of my old, worn out pajamas and tried to wear the only clean pair of pants i had left, the only ones that fit and pulled over a huge shirt, pulling the gray cardigan over it. I brushed my hair, trying to make them lie flat and a little smooth. Then I applied a bit of lipstick and put on slight amount of eye liner and blush to get rid of the grey tinge.

I wanted to look decent for Mike now that he was home. I knew he would stay for a few days now that he was back. He always did after such a long span of absence. Even though all of those would be spent in front of the television, still it was imperative for me to look decent.

It wasn't that I was trying to make him stay. I just didn't want him to be disgusted me. I didn't want to see the pity in his eyes over my contemptible state; neither did I want to see the hatred which sometimes crept in. I did not know which was worse, the pity or the hatred. but i did not wish for either, hence I put up an effort.

I did not even deserve these brief visits of his. he stayed in the guest room and ignored me most of the time unless he had to complain over something. He rarely inquired after me, and did not bother talking. He did his work or watched television.

Sometimes, very rarely, he would come and sleep in the same bed as me. I relished those moments. He never touched me. He did not even look at me. He turned his back to me and slept on his side of the bed. I did not go near him. Yet those were the best nights for me. I stared at his back and his strong arms, imagining I was enclosed in them, as once I used to be.

Those were the nights that I slept peacefully, feeling if not completely, but slightly, as much I could in such a state, content. He would get up in the mornings without talking to me and continue his errands. I did not talk to him for fear of reprimand.

I knew his behavior was justified. After what I had done to him, how I had insulted him, make him a laughing stock, ignored his pleas and most importantly broken his heart, I had no right to be forgiven. I deserved the treatment which he gave me, heck I deserved worse after what I had done to him. Who was I to complain now, when all this had been my doing?

I sighed and watched the agony in my eyes in the mirror. I tried to smile a little but it was clearly forced and walked out.

Mike was sitting on the couch, the sports channel coming on the television, his eyes fixated on whatever game was coming on. I stepped inside the kitchen and stared to fix myself breakfast; I saw the dirty dishes in the sink and knew Mike had eaten. I got a glass of milk out for me and saw the pasta from last night was also finished, so I got out the last two eggs that were remaining and made myself an omelet.

Sitting on the kitchen counter I ate my breakfast, while looking at the back of Mike's head. It was somehow soothing. Even though I cried had cried before, because of which I had a slight headache now, the presence of Mike was oddly comforting. Even though he did not talk to me, or acknowledged my existence for that matter, which still made me feel small and unworthy, yet having him in the apartment was soothing.

After that I washed the dishes and wiped the counters. I went to sit on the other sofa, curling up in a ball, as I usually did; I tucked my feet under me. I wrapped my arms around my torso and stared rubbing my tummy.

Mike did not move his eyes from the screen. However, after some time, he finally asked platonically

"How's the baby?"

I tried to ignore the fact that he had not inquired after me, only about the baby. I let it slide because I was glad he had at least talked.

"The baby is fine, the Doctor said there was nothing to worry about."

"Doctor?"

"Oh.. umm.. I felt bad yesterday so I went to see the doctor." I answered, lying once again. I did not want to tell what had happened yesterday. He would have inquired why I did not call him, and I couldn't tell him what had lead to me going there. "He said it was just stress."

His saw the slight cresses which came over his face, but that was only momentary, until his face grew impassive again. Then he went back to ignoring me again.

I surreptitiously looked at him and longed to sit next to him. I wondered what would happen if I just went over and crawled in his lap. Tears started welling up in my eyes and tried to hold them back and make them go away. I knew how much Mike hated tears and I knew he would get frustrated and angry if he saw them, which I did not want.

I turned my head away and with glazed eyes gazed at the T.V.

_Edward Cullen. _I sighed sadly. One man. Just one lone man had turned my life upside down. He had made all the men important in my life, walk away from me. Left me like this,_ broken, empty and lifeless_.

* * *

**Ta-da! Edward is introduced. Want to find out what he did? Please review. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I have an exam tommorow but since I can't let go of an oppurtunity to procrastinate, hence I wrote this chapter down. I wanted to add a lot of other things in it but I was more impatient to upload. **

**I know a lot of things, and people are very vague right now, however I will explain all of it in the upcoming chapters. The chapters are going to be short so there won't be any descriptions but I will try to put everything in order. For now let this suffice. **

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM.**

* * *

**Chapter 4-**

**Driving away the pain**

_Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can u see what I see_

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push  
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...  
Steady feet, don't fail me now  
Gonna run till you can't walk  
But something pulls my focus out  
And I'm standing down...

(One Republic – Stop and Stare)

"I'm going to the grocery store. You need anything?" I asked putting on my coat. It was going to be chilly outside.

I waited for a while but when he didn't answer I shrugged and headed out. The fridge was almost empty and I wanted to make something special for dinner. Me movements were sluggish and I hated that, I didn't not like to walk slowly but that's just how it was now.

I rubbed my stomach affectionately. At least there was one person in the world who I loved unconditionally.

The grocery store was almost empty at this time of the evening, I started moving through the aisles trying to remember all the things I needed. It was hard to push the over flowing trolley just then a tall lanky boy came in front of me with a huge grin plastered on his pimpled face.

"Eric!" I exclaimed as he pulled me in for a hug. I sank into him and leaned my head on his chest. He rubbed by back gently and I couldn't help the tears which escaped my eyes. I sniffed and rubbed my nose with the arm of my coat.

He pulled me back slightly.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked concern laced in his voice.

"No." I cried in a small voice in between the tears.

"Common I'm taking you home,"

"No Eric, I have to go back. Mike is home." I pulled back from him already missing his warm body and rubbed my eyes, wiping away the tears.

"Mike is back. Did he say something? Did he hit you? Tell me Bella!"

"God, no Eric! He would never hit me."

"Then?"

I remained silent and he understood like he always did. He held my hand and pulled me with him.

"Wait Eric I have to get these done" I pointed towards my cart filled with groceries.

"You go ahead, get in the car and turn the heat up; I'll take care of these." I smiled at him, he was always like this, gentle and considerate. I told him where I was parked before I left.

I got in my car and turned the heat up as he had said waiting for him. I rubbed my hands together, it was cold. He got back a while later, after loading the thinks in the trunk of my truck he got in the passenger seat. I snuggled close to him and he enveloped me in his arms. Eric was thin and wiry but it didn't matter not right now.

He bought his lips down and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering there. I moved my head so that it came to level with his; I closed my eyes and joined my lips with his. We remained like that for several minutes kissing gently, he wasn't urgent, he wasn't fast, but it was warm nonetheless. I moved my lips slowly with his until he broke the kissed and bought his lips to kiss my forehead again. I shifted and adjusted my back against his chest, while his arms came around me holding me tight. I closed my eyes and tried to shove away all the resentment I felt, to feel warms again, even if it was momentarily.

We stayed like that for a while, talking about everything and nothing. I knew I had to get back and he knew that too so didn't protest when I pulled away. He kissed me once again but this was very brief and then got out, waving as I headed back home.

* * *

**A/N: Needy greedy Bella. ;) She sure does seem promiscuous. Don't hate her; she's just trying to drive away the pain. She's pregnant and in need of love, so she takes it up whatever form it comes in. **

**Stay tuned for more!**

**Oh and review please =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to SM.**

* * *

**Chapter 5 –**

**Getting him Back**

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life

_Let him know that you know best_  
_Cause after all you do know best_  
_Try to slip past his defense_  
_Without granting innocence_  
_Lay down a list of what is wrong_  
_The things you've told him all along_  
_And pray to God he hears you_  
_And pray to God he hears you_

(The fray- How to save a life)

_Five years ago _

I could not stand this. He was with every single girl in the entire university. They use to be my friends but now they his. They had all abandoned me, just because of him! What was so special about him?

I knew exactly what was so special about him. After until a few months ago I was the sole receiver of the immense affection and attention he and only he was capable of showering upon a person. He would get exceedingly annoying at times and I would be exasperated beyond measure on the tricks he pulled up, how he constantly tried to grab my attention when I was with my other friends. I guess this is what all the other girls saw appealing in him and wanted to.

The truth was no guy could make you feel comfortable and wanted like Jake could and it didn't hurt that he was good looking too.

What surprised me the most was that these girls had been friends with me just because of him, especially Tania and Jessica! This fact crushed me. They were all around me all the time and I never once doubted that all that was an act to get Jake. They would seem so excited to see me; I couldn't believe all of that was just an act. Now that I was no longer friends with Jake none of them was there for me. Hell, they had all even stopped talking to me. Now they surrounded him.

I guessed they would be glad I was out of the way. It gave them the perfect opportunity to get close to him. Anger and sadness coursed through my body. Suddenly I missed Jake more than ever. I knew we had fought and I did not want to see his face ever again, yet he was my best friend. I just could not see him with all the other girls. I never cared before when we were friends. I tried to fix him up with his crush but it did not work out, neither of us was good at it. But now seeing him like this just irked me.

I thought about how it would feel snatching him away from all the girls and it bought a strange sense of sadistic pleasure thinking about it.

I wanted him back.

….

"Jake," I called from behind.

He stopped and turned around slowly. I could see the solemn expression on his face yet I knew my voice had affected him.

"Can I talk to you?"

"What?" He said trying to sound nonchalant.

"Umm.. Not here. Can we go some place and talk?"

"Okay. " He said after a moment of hesitation and followed me.

I went into the library and headed towards the secluded end so we won't be disturbed. I stood in front of one of the shelf's and started looking through the books out of nervousness.. I could see him standing at the end of the row and I didn't turn around or abandon my pursuit until I felt his presence behind me.

"What is it Bella?"

He sounded exasperated and my resolve quivered for a second.

I turned around slowly with my eyes downcast. I looked at him from under my lashes and finally said.

"Jake, can we be friends again?" I said "I miss you Jake."

My voice quivered at the end.

"I miss you so much" I whispered brokenly. My eyes welled up with the tears.

"Oh Bella!" He enveloped me in his hug his arms gently enclosing around my body.

"Jake" I sniffed and hugged him tight.

I felt warm and safe in his embrace of my best friend. I felt whole again. He was my best friend in the whole world. It was hard to breathe without him. It was hard to live without his continuous presence in my life.

"Common lets go to the café and eat like dogs"

A shout of laughter escaped my lips after such a long time.

….…..

"Jake I don't like you talking to them."

"Common Bella, you talk to other guys too. I don't like it but I don't tell you to stop talking to them"

"Oh really. You did not talk to me for two entire months just because I wouldn't stop seeing Alec."

"That was then."

"Oh so you mean you don't care anymore?" I asked with an eyebrow raised.

'Fuck Bella" He said shoving his hand in his hair and pulling them. "I care okay. You know how much I care about you. Alec was a jerk Bella; I didn't want to see you hurt!

Hell, I can't see you with other guys but I'm trying to come to terms with it. Why do you care anyways who I talk to?"

I could see I was losing the battle. So I pulled the last card I had.

"I'll sleep with you. "

"What! Are you out of your mind Bella?"

"You can't talk to anyone of those whores again."

'Bella, have you gone crazy?"

I ignored his alarmed cries and moved towards purposely.

My hands came on his hard chest and moved up. I moved my body so that it was angled directly in front of him and pushed it against him.

"Bella, stop." He said weakly.

His weakness being my encouragement I moved my hands at the nape of his hair and holding his head tight, I pressed my lips to his and gently, seductively began moving them over his.

He moaned into my mouth and then his arms came around me to hold me tight as his lips became hard and urgent on mine. I could feel him surrender himself to me. I pulled back a little and smiled into his eyes, relishing my victory.

* * *

**A/N: Needy greedy Bella. Haha, tell me how you like her? She sure seems manipulative right now but it's not her fault, don't hate her. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Twilight Saga belongs to SM.**

* * *

**Chapter 6 -**

**Fell in Love**

_Sometimes in life you run across a love unknown_  
_Without a reason it seems like you belong_  
_Hold on dear life_  
_Don't go off running from what's due_  
_I became somebody through loving you_

(Dear Life - Anthony Himilton)

I wanted to start on dinner as soon as I returned home. I know there wasn't anything in the house, so Mike couldn't have eaten anything substantial and he would be hungry from the way he had prowled the fridge. He used to be kind and considerate, though now all that had changed but the crux of his being remained the same. Despite everything I still loved him.

I decided to make his favorite tonight. I wasn't doing it to soften him up; I wasn't that much of a fool to think tactics like those would work. Of course it wouldn't work. I just wanted to make him happy. It hurt me to see him hurting. It hurt me to see him so aloft and distant. I knew I could never make him happy again. That just killed me inside but just because that was an iron clad fact did not mean I should stop wanting to make things right between us. Maybe I would try till my last breath to make that possible. Because I knew I would remain broken unless I fixed Mike. I would be a mess until I cleaned this all up. I wanted to make things right between us. I wanted to make us right. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted him to forgive me.

Yet the rational part of me knew that wasn't possible, I would never forget and he would never forgive.

The dreams wouldn't go away. The torturous thoughts wouldn't go away. He would never leave my heart. It was occupied. I would never be able to give Mike all of it. I would always be holding back, it wasn't up to me to do otherwise. What I wanted and what was were two entirely different things. What I wanted was to belong to one person,_ him_.

Love was cruel. Love was insatiable. Love was incorrigible. Love was forever. Love never went away. When all else vanished, it remained, it lingered, even after hate seeped, everything broke away, all other memories faded, yet it stood; staunch.

Love did not go away just because you wanted it to. Love was persistent.

Love was irreplaceable.

How then was it my fault when I erred? It was loves fault! Love, which just happens out of the blue with such poignant force that it knocks your breath away, and leaves you dangling in mid-air with every emotion revised, to fit it accordingly.

I shouldn't be in love, after all these years; after loving other people, after getting married. Yet it was beyond me to control that. I could, maybe, control who I loved, but it wasn't in my hands to control who I feel in love with. And I just did. That un-fateful day when he sat foot in my Writing Composition class, six years ago, my world turned upside down. The sun was no longer the centre of the universe, he was. My world starting revolving around him, my every thought was occupied by him. I didn't pre-plan it. I didn't fathom for it to happen, but it did. I feel in love with _Edward Cullen_.

* * *

**A/N: Just to clear the confusion, chapter five was set five years ago. **


End file.
